Reflections.....

....sitting here reading my blog for the first time in over a year...

Realizing this blog has been to date the blog of a happily married woman absolutely in love with her husband and children...

So much has changed in life. Life is a cruel taskmaster and her lessons can be a cruel misery to endure. Let's just say true strength comes from strength being your last and final resort....today I can tell you I am strong.

I'm strong enough to have lived through hell as I watched the love of my life, a man I so ultimately adored and cherished, walk right on out of not just my life but his children's lives on the arm of another woman. Not just any other random woman but the arm of a woman also the mother of our oldest daughters boyfriend. A woman of low morals who obviously has no respect for ethical behavior or the institute of marriage. A woman who has not even bothered to raise her own children farming them off to whomever would take on the task so she can party and enjoy her own selfish life. A woman who convinced my husband to do the same.

But alas, I'll not judge her for her sins just because they differ from mine. Living with the consequences of the misery their choices have caused however, is a difficult and horrific thing. My beautiful and wonderful husband went from being an amazing husband and father to a selfish man whose children unfortunately have no respect for anymore. Our family has went from a well oiled unit to a debilitated heap of parts and factions. It seems no amount of love from their mother is enough to repair the loss these children have suffered at the hands of their father and nothing save him humbling himself and making a 180 seems to be able to repair the damage his indiscretions have caused.

I read the old entries on this blog and I have died just a little more inside. I have never loved like I love him and I will never trust as I trusted him. My soul is shattered without him in my life while I live with the "promise" that Jesus has come to heal the broken hearted... yet here I am... faithful, loving, kind, doing all I can do and Jesus has yet to show up and heal my heart.